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Worry Much?

Wow, time flies when nothing changes, right? I realized this evening that I hadn't posted anything since we got back from El Salvador...over a month ago!!!  Do any of you journal? I started doing this about a year ago...I just started a fresh, new journal since I had filled one up! In my journal I write many different things, but most of the time they are prayers. And this evening, I was looking over my journal entries since getting back from El Salvador, just to see how things had been going. And wow...almost every entry is the same...

"Lord, put your hand on the job applications I sent in today...if it's Your will I pray they will see my potential and consider me for the position. Be with our finances this month, Lord." January 12.

"Continue to watch over those job applications, Lord. I pray that our finances with be okay for this week - I know You will provide for us." January 18.

"I pray ends will meet this week." January 19.

"I pray there is a job out there for me, Lord." January 21.

"Work on our finances Lord...give me wisdom where finances are concerned. Show me where You want me in the workforce and make it plain to me what I am supposed to be doing." January 24.

Okay, I'm just going to stop there because I really can't take it anymore! Worry much, Bri? Seriously! I need to RELAX and CHILL OUT!!! Every single entry since the middle of January until now has mentioned our financial state and my career (or lack there-of). I am half laughing and half crying at myself right now because my journal entires are borderline ridiculous. Yes, money is tight...the tightest it's been in our 2.5 year marriage (although it's probably gonna get tighter!). Yes, I would be thrilled to be offered a teaching position somewhere. But aren't I okay where I'm at now? The bills are getting paid, right? I don't hate my job, right? (Eh, there are moments but for the most part, I generally enjoy it!)

This blog post is from myself, for myself. Does anybody else worry themselves into a tizzy, only to look back and think, "Wow-you need to calm down sister!" because I do. I have been doing that a lot lately!!!

I knew moving out here that it wasn't going to be easy. I knew there were going to be challenges...I knew we weren't going to have a lot of money and after August, I knew I wouldn't be teaching for at least another year. I also KNOW that God brought us here...I KNOW that we are exactly where God wants us...and I KNOW God will provide for us and show us His boundless mercy and grace. Shouldn't that be enough to calm my worrisome mind? And I guess the bigger question is, why doesn't that seem to be enough to calm my worrisome mind? Answers? Anyone?

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