Lies Pastor's Wives Believe: I Am Not Called to Ministry

W
e may not have a moment in our life where we "surrendered to the call of ministry" (allow me to speak in church-ese for a moment here) but friends, we've been called whether we like it or not. You may not have married a pastor. You may have married a businessman-turned-pastor and thought to yourself many times that you didn't sign up for this life. According to Mark 10:8 we are "no longer two, but one flesh." We are one and guess what? God doesn't call one half to ministry and tell the other half they are off the hook. Can I also follow this up by encouraging you that when He calls, He "will equip you with everything good that you may do his will." (Hebrews 13:21). It may not feel like it, but you've been called and equipped for such a time, for such a ministry, as this.

We are our husband's supporter, created to love and encourage him. That is our ministry. It is what God has called us to. It is not how many hours you log at the church, how many ministries you lead, how many meetings you go to, or how many potlucks you take dessert to. We do not have a title, we do not get a paycheck, we do not get a say in all the decisions...but we play a vital, important role. And that calling, that role, is the support of our pastor husbands. One of the most important ways we serve is by helping our husbands bring his best self day in and day out as he's serving, preaching, teaching and leading.

What happens when we think we aren't called to the ministry of supporting our husbands and the church?

1. Our marriage becomes fractured. When our husbands do not have our full support...when we say "that's not my problem" or my *least* favorite "the church hired my husband, not me," we create a fracture. Now there are times when we do not need to know all the business of the church. There is also a time when we need to tell people to make an appointment to chat with our husbands, not us, about church business. But there is never a time when our husband doesn't need our support and encouragement. We don't have to fight his church battles for him, but we should stand next to him while we cheer him on. The church does not pay us, we are not employed by the church (unless of course, we have a separate job description) but again, our role is vital!
2. We place a barrier between the church and ourselves. If we don't view ourselves as being called to serve the church alongside our husband, then we place a barrier between the church and ourselves. We are church members, just like anyone else. We are to give and serve.
3. Our husbands cannot minister to their fullest capacity without our support. I truly wonder how many pastors are hindered by the anxiety and worry that fills them when their wife does not support them. I do my best to clear up any disagreements before Luke leaves for church Sunday morning. I am mindful to not complain (well I try my best, okay?) about anything before church. I want his mind to be on what God is speaking to him, not what his wife snapped at him before he walked out the door. And sometimes I really fail at this. I also think churches should take notice of this. Want your pastor to lead at his very best? Make sure you give him time to pour into his marriage. Church, be diligent in loving his wife and family. Challenge your pastor to put his marriage (and family) first and support him when he does so.

Let's fight against this lie! Let's stand confidently in our calling to our husbands and to our churches. Here's some ways we can do this.

1. Serve alongside your husband. I challenge you to do this if you haven't. There is something so sweet and special about serving shoulder-to-shoulder with him. I'm not saying get up there and do a tag-team sermon - I'm simply saying get your hands dirty.
2. Share your heart with your husband. Are you feeling left out of his ministry? I know I have before, especially in seasons of babies. I've grown almost resentful of his ministry because I wanted so much to be a part of it and felt left behind at home with the kids. Is there a place you can serve? Share it with him. Are you struggling with loving your church? Talk to him about it. And always make sure your husband includes your opinion regarding jobs and relocation.
3. Pray that God would show you how you are called to ministry. Pray that He would open your eyes to how you can best serve your husband.

Love your husbands, ladies. Consider the ministry of supporting him your first calling to the church. I'm confident the rest will fall into place if you do this!

Do you have any tips for loving, supporting and encouraging your pastor husband? Share them with me! I am always looking for new ways to excel at this most important ministry!