Over the course of our nine years in ministry, Luke told me multiple times he didn’t plan to be a lead pastor. Youth ministry, sports ministry…those are the ministries he thought he was called to serve in. But lead pastoring? Not for him. Yet here I sit, rolling up quickly on our one-year anniversary at Cornerstone Baptist Church with my husband serving as the lead pastor. The transition from student ministry to lead pastoring has been just that, a definite transition. Before getting here, I knew it would be different but the past year has been one for the memory logs, that’s for sure. Here are four things I’ve learned in my first year as a lead pastor’s wife.
1. I must place my relationship with Christ first.
I may be a bit different in the traditional view of a pastor’s wife in that I firmly…well, maybe just a teensy bit passionately, believe God calls both the pastor husband and his wife to ministry. I am not the one up on the stage preaching, leading all the meetings and in the limelight leading. But whether my congregation (or the people around me) realize it or not, I know the deep impact I have on my husband’s ability to lead well. To be honest, a pastor’s wife can make or break her husband’s ministry. I’m important, I matter and my devotion to God and His ministry needs to be just as strong - if not stronger - than my husband’s. Not only does my husband need me to place God first, my children and our congregation need that as well. As I see steps Luke is taking to remain in line with the Lord’s leading, I too have felt the need to take more seriously my submission to Christ and practices of spiritual disciplines. So throughout this last year, I’ve focused on my personal holiness and becoming more disciplined in my walk with Christ. After all, my congregation’s (my pastor’s, my husband’s, my children’s…) greatest need is my own personal holiness.
2. I have become aware of the huge burden & responsibility my lead pastor husband has on his shoulders.
One of the biggest things that I’ve witnessed this year is the deep burden and responsibility my husband feels. Of course there has always been a burden and a responsibility to the students and families he was leading, but that has shifted and now, he’s responsible for an entire congregation. It is heavy stuff and depending on the congregation, I’m certain many pastor’s weights are heavier than I have witnessed in my house this year. Wives, we worry about our pastor husband. Is he stressed? Has something happened? Did anyone complain about (insert church thing here)? Is he struggling with something and isn’t telling me to protect himself? Want to know what helps relieve my worrying mind? Knowing Luke’s got a group of solid men backing him. Our deacons, awesome. His pastor friend mentors, amazing. My worrying has been dramatically reduced knowing he’s surrounded by God-fearing men who put gospel truth before their own opinions. Piggy-backing on this is the increased awareness of spiritual warfare. Satan is out to get us. He can’t get to God so he goes after God’s children. What better place to start than with the pastors of the Church, Jesus’ bride. My eyes have been opened to just how much Satan is winning this battle against the Church. Be mindful, friends, of the important things. Our battle is not against flesh and blood.
3. I must be one of the first to take scary steps.
In student ministry, you rely on the students to bring their friends. Many schools don’t even allow pastors to come onto campus to reach out to students, which made us rely heavily on the work of our (outstanding) students to invite, invite invite. Once they get their friends in the door, then the pastor can begin his ministry to those kids. Stand in front of your church and tell them to start inviting? Can’t really get off the hook on that one. Challenge the congregation to a two-year daily Bible reading plan? I’m all in. If we want our congregation to take these challenges and opportunities seriously, then we have to be the first to model it. This year has really stretched me, as I’ve intentionally looked for opportunities to strike up conversations with people and invite them church. I’m challenged every Sunday by my husband to have gospel conversations with those around me and know that as a leader in my church, I must be putting all these things in to practice if I want our congregation to follow. One of my jobs (well, and your job as a believer too) is to spur one another on and try to outdo each other in showing honor, brotherly affection, good works. I take that job seriously. We are in it together.
4. I fiercely love the local church and so should you.
If you are a part of my denomination or follow my denomination at all, you’ll see that we’ve kind of been a wreck lately. But the good thing about this is the holes have been busted through and we know it’s time to pull it together. Instead of making me shrink back, this has fueled my fire. If you know me well, you’ll know that it doesn’t take much to get me all sorts of fired up. I love the local church. She is a hot mess, perhaps the hottest mess of all, but darn it if I don’t love her fiercely. The people inside her are not always lovable, including myself. But this past year has shown me just how much impact a church can have. I don’t need to be jealous of the megas, because a church who loves people well and reaches her community in genuine love, one who is doing her best thing and centering it around Jesus…that’s where the Gospel thrives. Our small churches are making a huge ripple. And I can’t wait to see what that ripple effect does here in the Champaign area through my small, but oh so mighty in the name of Jesus, church. Think church isn’t for you? I get it, never said it was easy. But get in the game. Instead of shrinking back, jump right in. Shake things up. We need it.
I could probably write a book of the ways God has changed me and molded me this past year. He hasn’t let me get comfortable for longer than about three seconds, that’s for sure. But getting comfortable leads to slacking off. And slacking off leads to being stagnant. And being stagnant leads to a hardened heart. And a hard heart leads to division in the church, inability to change and on many occasions, being downright rude and un-Christlike. Can’t say that I want that. So keep me on my toes, Jesus. Don’t let me get comfortable. And use me, Lord. Knock me off my feet in ways I never imagined. Put me in places (You already have) I never saw coming. Let’s do this thing.
1. I must place my relationship with Christ first.
I may be a bit different in the traditional view of a pastor’s wife in that I firmly…well, maybe just a teensy bit passionately, believe God calls both the pastor husband and his wife to ministry. I am not the one up on the stage preaching, leading all the meetings and in the limelight leading. But whether my congregation (or the people around me) realize it or not, I know the deep impact I have on my husband’s ability to lead well. To be honest, a pastor’s wife can make or break her husband’s ministry. I’m important, I matter and my devotion to God and His ministry needs to be just as strong - if not stronger - than my husband’s. Not only does my husband need me to place God first, my children and our congregation need that as well. As I see steps Luke is taking to remain in line with the Lord’s leading, I too have felt the need to take more seriously my submission to Christ and practices of spiritual disciplines. So throughout this last year, I’ve focused on my personal holiness and becoming more disciplined in my walk with Christ. After all, my congregation’s (my pastor’s, my husband’s, my children’s…) greatest need is my own personal holiness.
2. I have become aware of the huge burden & responsibility my lead pastor husband has on his shoulders.
One of the biggest things that I’ve witnessed this year is the deep burden and responsibility my husband feels. Of course there has always been a burden and a responsibility to the students and families he was leading, but that has shifted and now, he’s responsible for an entire congregation. It is heavy stuff and depending on the congregation, I’m certain many pastor’s weights are heavier than I have witnessed in my house this year. Wives, we worry about our pastor husband. Is he stressed? Has something happened? Did anyone complain about (insert church thing here)? Is he struggling with something and isn’t telling me to protect himself? Want to know what helps relieve my worrying mind? Knowing Luke’s got a group of solid men backing him. Our deacons, awesome. His pastor friend mentors, amazing. My worrying has been dramatically reduced knowing he’s surrounded by God-fearing men who put gospel truth before their own opinions. Piggy-backing on this is the increased awareness of spiritual warfare. Satan is out to get us. He can’t get to God so he goes after God’s children. What better place to start than with the pastors of the Church, Jesus’ bride. My eyes have been opened to just how much Satan is winning this battle against the Church. Be mindful, friends, of the important things. Our battle is not against flesh and blood.
3. I must be one of the first to take scary steps.
In student ministry, you rely on the students to bring their friends. Many schools don’t even allow pastors to come onto campus to reach out to students, which made us rely heavily on the work of our (outstanding) students to invite, invite invite. Once they get their friends in the door, then the pastor can begin his ministry to those kids. Stand in front of your church and tell them to start inviting? Can’t really get off the hook on that one. Challenge the congregation to a two-year daily Bible reading plan? I’m all in. If we want our congregation to take these challenges and opportunities seriously, then we have to be the first to model it. This year has really stretched me, as I’ve intentionally looked for opportunities to strike up conversations with people and invite them church. I’m challenged every Sunday by my husband to have gospel conversations with those around me and know that as a leader in my church, I must be putting all these things in to practice if I want our congregation to follow. One of my jobs (well, and your job as a believer too) is to spur one another on and try to outdo each other in showing honor, brotherly affection, good works. I take that job seriously. We are in it together.
4. I fiercely love the local church and so should you.
If you are a part of my denomination or follow my denomination at all, you’ll see that we’ve kind of been a wreck lately. But the good thing about this is the holes have been busted through and we know it’s time to pull it together. Instead of making me shrink back, this has fueled my fire. If you know me well, you’ll know that it doesn’t take much to get me all sorts of fired up. I love the local church. She is a hot mess, perhaps the hottest mess of all, but darn it if I don’t love her fiercely. The people inside her are not always lovable, including myself. But this past year has shown me just how much impact a church can have. I don’t need to be jealous of the megas, because a church who loves people well and reaches her community in genuine love, one who is doing her best thing and centering it around Jesus…that’s where the Gospel thrives. Our small churches are making a huge ripple. And I can’t wait to see what that ripple effect does here in the Champaign area through my small, but oh so mighty in the name of Jesus, church. Think church isn’t for you? I get it, never said it was easy. But get in the game. Instead of shrinking back, jump right in. Shake things up. We need it.
I could probably write a book of the ways God has changed me and molded me this past year. He hasn’t let me get comfortable for longer than about three seconds, that’s for sure. But getting comfortable leads to slacking off. And slacking off leads to being stagnant. And being stagnant leads to a hardened heart. And a hard heart leads to division in the church, inability to change and on many occasions, being downright rude and un-Christlike. Can’t say that I want that. So keep me on my toes, Jesus. Don’t let me get comfortable. And use me, Lord. Knock me off my feet in ways I never imagined. Put me in places (You already have) I never saw coming. Let’s do this thing.
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