To My Church

First Baptist Church Fairview Heights,

There are things I want you to know. These things are so important to me. I believe it’s good for my church to know my heart. Lord knows I am up on that stage hounding you all about something more often than not, so my blog shall be my forum for now. Five things I would love for you to know.

1.     I never pictured myself doing this. If we could go back ten years and tell 19-year-old Brianne Hayes that she would someday be married to a youth pastor, I would have laughed. Not that I didn’t love Jesus or desire to serve Him, but simply because I had other plans in mind. The Bri from ten years ago wouldn’t have been able to fathom the life that 2015 Bri is living because it’s just so incredibly different from what my plans were. Being married to a pastor is different than being a member of a church. Living in Kansas City and the Metro East St. Louis area is a far cry from Ramsey – town of 1100. And I never saw myself leaving there. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life and I am so thankful the Lord has placed me where I am. But please remember that this whole pastor’s wife thing is something I didn’t exactly see coming.

2.     I am real. This is my mantra. The Bri you see on the video announcements is the Bri that walks the halls. The Bri that laughs and jokes with the students is the Bri sitting in the pew on Sunday mornings. I don’t want different people to know a different me. My desire is to be the same. And that comes at a price, because the real me is sometimes not that great to be around. My natural instinct is to complain when something doesn’t go my way, to get frustrated when a situation I cannot control arises and to pass judgment on others when they do something I don’t like. But that’s all a part of being real. If you viewed me as perfect, then I would definitely be doing something wrong in not showing the real me. So don’t expect perfection, because I am real. And real people aren’t perfect.

3.     I am invested in you. We have been blessed to be on staff at three different churches. At each church, I was highly invested in the youth group (for quite obvious reasons). I also played the piano from time to time, but that was the extent of my investment. From co-coordinating MOPS to serving on the Early Childhood committee to working with the youth to being the face of the video announcements to being a member of the Merry Widows committee to building genuine relationships with other members to meeting weekly with a group (outside of church) to study God’s Word to praying regularly with a small group of women for our kids, marriages and our church – I am incredibly invested. My heart’s desire is to see you thrive, not of man’s accord, but because God is moving and working among us. At times, I fear I am too invested but I am ridiculously for you, First Baptist Church Fairview Heights. And being ridiculously for you means I can’t sit in the background and let everyone else do the work. I can’t wait to see God do great things in our church – He will.

4.     I love you, even though you are broken. Let’s face it - we are all broken. Some of us have one giant crack right through us, others have small fissures all over and still others are completely shattered. And if broken people make up a church, then the church is also broken. I don’t expect you to NOT be broken. So let’s not pretend. You know your areas of weakness, as I just mentioned mine above. Let’s extend grace to one another. Before complaining or attacking, let’s consider praying. Let’s approach each other in love and not in a spirit of anger. All of those things I know I need to work on. Sometimes I struggle with loving you, especially if you mess with my husband. I’m just being real here – it’s so hard to love you when you do that. I work really hard to look past that and continue to love. I ask that you do the same – not just for the sake of my family – but also for our church as a whole. Let’s just love each other abundantly. Let’s outdo one another in good works. Let’s be brave enough to show our brokenness so others can work with us to bring healing.

5.     God is in our church. Whether you notice or not, God is working. As I mentioned above, I meet regularly with a group of women, who serve as my accountability and prayer partners. We share the super hard struggles. We share the silly stuff. We cry together, we laugh together, we celebrate together and we mourn together.  Our husbands also meet to do the same thing. Although there’s probably less giggling and tears when they meet! I also meet with a group to do Bible study during the week. This is something completely outside of the Sunday and Wednesday regular stuff. Meeting to talk about Jesus on a day other than Sunday or Wednesday? Pretty insane, I know. But God is using these groups to bring change. We have fully surrendered ourselves to the Lord, trusting He will use us to bring about His work in our church. Be aware – we’re ready and willing. And God is working. Won’t you join Him?

And there is my heart on this Tuesday evening. I love you and I am for you, First Baptist Church Fairview Heights. Let’s do this thing called life together.