I
turned 30 on November 22, 2016. I was 8 months pregnant on my 30th birthday and just a couple of days before the start of 2017, Rebecca Sue joined our family. 2017 has been a hard year for me...mentally, physically (looking at you, lost sleep), and spiritually. Here are three things I've learned since I celebrated my 30th birthday.
1. I am weak and that is okay.
God uses all kinds of circumstances and experiences to shape us. Some of those are great experiences and some of them are tough. This year, I walked through one of those tough experiences. I'm a firm believer in sharing our struggles with one another. There is no shame in your struggle, your hard place, unless you keep it hidden from the world. Darkness creeps in when we refuse to bring our struggles into the light. After I had Becca, I suffered from postpartum depression. There, it is in the light. I am just now beginning to dig deep into that time in my life and from my research PPD looks different for each woman, so determining what it is or what it isn't is really pointless. As I was walking through it, I didn't know that's what I had and didn't even know the signs of it in order to ask for help. I don't have all the details to share yet, but I do know this. In my weakness, God is strong. When I am powerless, God sustains me. When my enough is not enough, He makes me enough. Wading through the waters of PPD has shifted my outlook on people suffering from depression and anxiety. I no longer think that I am too happy, strong, spiritual, whatever "enough" to never have to deal with those kinds of feelings. My heart has been made tender towards mommies of new little babies, to the knowledge that every baby brings new emotions and adjustments. Weakness does not take on a negative connotation here. I am human, of course I am weak. But I have learned that I cannot do it all, be it all and be immune from it all. When the hard things hit, and they will, I have Someone to lean on who is stronger than I. I will share more info on this time and maybe if you know me personally, you are not surprised at this revelation. I feel like I did a decent job of pretending things were okay while in the public eye but I may have fooled myself. Give me some time to process it and then I will share about my experience.
2. My husband never ceases to amaze me.
While I was dealing with the above situation and in my numb, not-even-close-to-myself season, my husband was getting huge callings from God. Luke managed to seek out wisdom and advice from men who could encourage him in his next steps of ministry. He fasted and prayed every Wednesday during lunch in order to work through the call he was feeling. And all the while, I could barely manage a "whatever you think is best" when asked my opinion. He's grown leaps and bounds in the last year. I am so very proud to watch him preach on Sunday mornings, to stand next to him as we greet the folks leaving the church and to see him lead with confidence and wisdom.
3. Making friends, real friends, is hard but so worth it.
Technology is well and good, but it doesn't replace face-to-face conversations. Checking in daily via a group text with our good friends who moved to Alabama (thank you Air Force...) is not the same as a standing date eating Chick-Fil-A while our kids play in the play area every Monday evening. Each new location we move to provides new opportunities for friendships. Friendships like the one we have with said now Alabama dwellers. Building community, doing life together, takes time and is a huge investment. Between work demands, the demands of children and the demands of the million other things pulling us every which way, carving out time on the calendar to build friendships is a very intentional step we must take. But the lesson I've learned is that it's worth it. Even when God takes you one direction and them the other. Even if you have a disagreement and have to have a hard conversation covered in grace. Even when you have to start from scratch with new people in a new location. Those "do life together" friends? Worth fighting for. Every single time.
What have you learned in the last year? I'd love to hear about it!
Friends, I have high hopes of continuing to share my thoughts via this blog. I enjoy writing but let it take a backseat the last couple years as I was busying mommy-ing. My plan is to make this a regular thing, but don't hold me to it, because life may take over again. :)
Happy Thanksgiving!
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